Onward

Thanks to my week off for Zometa sickness and my super-limited allowed typing time, I've piled up enough unanswered correspondence (phone and email, mostly) so that I feel paralyzed by guilt, and respond by eating snacks and staring at walls rather than being productive. I don't get what it is about the brain that makes it think "I have too much to do, so I'm going to take swift action! Time to freeze up and be totally overwhelmed." Gah.

Anyway, here's what is up with me lately:

• Zometa was indescribably bad. I spent a few days barely able to move. I'm still waking up with back pain. Low side effect drug my butt.
• I'm seeing a physiotherapist for post-surgery care of my arms. The bad news is that my right arm isn't healing quickly enough. A probable culprit is the slow drainage of fluid from my elbow, because I have, y'know, zero lymph nodes in my armpit.
• This is frustrating. I'm not allowed to draw, and my left arm is having trouble picking up the slack. I miss my online friends (irc holla). I'm still not working and I'm having a hard time with this.
• Good news: I got my silicone external breast prosthesis, finally. And six gorgeous mastectomy bras to tuck it into, all courtesy my insurance. My f'boob (Hester) is comfortable. My clothes fit better, too.
• I went to three (!) social events on the weekend. I survived, I didn't pass out, and I was only a little tired. Man, do I know some good people.
• I'm feeling discouraged sometimes, but I'm also getting better at hauling myself out of discouraged moments. I go for walks, drink hot drinks, and relax more than I used to. I would pat myself on the back if I were allowed to bend my arms more than 90 degrees.

I'm in an awkward limbo. It's frustrating, but it's not horrible. I mean, there's horrible, and then there's Zometa horrible.

Like a phoenix rising from a pile of kleenex

I wound up having an unusually bad reaction to the Zometa. That was the most painful 48 hours I've had, surgeries and chemo included. The pain was too much for good old Oxycodone. Desperate to keep my tiny meals down, I even wound up downing my old nemesis, the anti-nausea drug Compazine.

But it's almost over! It's sunny and snowing, and my husband's a hero, and my pets are cuddly (well, maybe not the snake).

Zometa

Ughhhhhh.

It's 3am. My body is mounting a extremely faithful production of the Zometa side effects list. I feel like I have a nasty, painful flu.

This makes me think of all the nonsensical chemo posts I never made!

Hurggggggl.

My wings are purely vestigial

I'm typing this post slowly. I'm seeing a physiotherapist for post-surgery care, and she doesn't want me using my right arm AT ALL for a while -- and my left, just sparingly while we strengthen it up.

My Zometa infusion went fine. Hard to be in that infusion chair again, though.

I spent the weekend at a gigantic puzzle contest. It was so much fun. Good people, good puzzles. It seems that Lupron hasn't mucked with my cognition very much. Relieved!

I'm going mildly insane trying to think of things to do that don't involve my arms at all (no drawing, lifting things, video games, or semaphore). The longer I go without a job or a task to occupy my days, the harder it becomes (1.4 years and counting.... argh). I'm ready for this to be over; ready to get things done.

Let me know if you can think of something I could do, or if you're casting a video podcast about science, or want, say, a sexy model who always keeps her arms relaxed and straight for sexy and mysterious reasons.

Thanks for being patient while I don't answer emails. And thanks for writing anyway.

Recipe for the perfect bath

Red Velvet Chocolate Tea (in a mug, not in bath)

Sherlock

Oh, and hot water, of course.

Things aren't so bad. More later when I've done some more healing up.

Ouch

Surgery went well but recovery is slow. Pretty sore.

Rx: Drugs, naps, hot chocolate.